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Forum Home > Introductions! > In denial...

Posts: 1
I'm 21 years old and one year ago i started a relationship with a guy who had been a good friend for over 5 years. The first time we had sex, or at least tried to, he couldn't fully penetrate and I experienced extreme pain and bled for days afterwards. He was my third sexual partner. The partner before him was an occasional hook up and i always experienced pain but the guy always said it was "because i was tight". My first ever time having sex was really painful but I accepted that as normal because i lost my virginity. Anyway the relationship with that guy one year ago broke down because i isolated myself. The fact I couldn't have sex properly or without pain crumbled my confidence and i have stopped myself getting close to a guy since as I'm terrified it will cause pain (and embarrassment) again. I haven't seen a doctor yet as I'm too afraid to get confirmation. But I've had a look and even asked a good friend of mine to look down there and there's definitely a septum. I've come to the conclusion that the first two guys were much smaller in size down there than my recent now-ex boyfriend so perhaps thats the reason sex couldn't happen with him? There are definitely two channels down there but I'm afraid the doctor will tell me more. As my confidence has disappeared, I'm even too scared to ring my doctors and ask to see a female GP instead of a male. I could really do with some encouragement from people with similar experiences. I've only told one friend and she can't medically understand. I feel daft being so terrified of seeing a doctor but I'm really embarrassed and have no idea how to even bring it up
February 21, 2016 at 11:07 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 3

I wish I could help LJ but I'm in the same boat im here for support too and there doesn't seem to be many people on here so it's hard why are we the 1 in 3000 it means relating support is zilch sorry to hear what has happened and all the best

March 1, 2016 at 12:02 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ashleigh H
Posts: 3

Hey girls, I hope i can help i was extreamly uncomfortable talking to my doctor or anyone i knew about it too but i knew i had to see someone so i kind of played dumb about it and let the doctor figure it out and tell me what it was. I went in complaining about extreamly bad period pains which I was actually getting and they took me in for an ultrasound and thats how they 'discovered' it. They also asked me if i was using tampons i said no because i dont as they dont work and hurt and they recomended surgury to remove the divided septum in my ladie parts (see i still find it awkies) but that surgury was last november and thats also how i found out i had endometriosis and they had to burn a lot of that off my uterus which has helped with the period pain. Once you finally speak to someone about it, it becomes real and its the biggest releaf in the world. please remember that your doctor will not judge you they are there to help you and support you. They mite not understand it or even know about it as its so rare but its so important to tell them. 

March 4, 2016 at 5:32 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 22

I understand how you feel, but you don't have to worry!

As you are experienceing problems you should definately consult a gynocologist. You might have dublipcations of the uterus or cervix but it doesn't have to be a big deal. Yes, depending on what anomaly you have it might have implications on reproduction but as long as you are aware of it you can receive support IF you ever experience problems with that. There are definately more benefits knowing.

You don't have to feel embarassed to talk with your gynocologist - they are professionals. You could just say that you "think someting is wrong down there" or why not use the scientific name saying that you "think you might have uterus didelphys or a septum" - even if there is not much information around on the exact implications of our anomaly they will probably know about it if you point it out. I myself had been to several gynocologists (for other problems) without them noticing my anomaly and I had had some faint suspicions but managed to keep myself in denial, maybe also because my septum has never given me any problems. Therefor if you go for the "ignorant" strategy you might have to point it out for them anyway if they miss it. 

Don't worry. We'll support you!

March 12, 2016 at 10:58 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Posts: 1
Lj, thank you for sharing your experience and for being so vulnerable and honest! It is just that that encourages girls/women to do the same! Growing up, I always thought something wasn't quite right, and my frustrating battle with tampons-upon starting my period--made me more concerned. I felt like my vagina was separated with 2 openings, one very small, one medium sized. I finally figured a way to insert tampons at a certain angle...but they would usually catch on to something on the way out. OUCH. Anyone I confided in would tell me that I was just "small down there" because of my petite body size. Growing up in a conservative Christian family, the only education I received on sex was that of abstinence until marriage and that anything else would be shameful. At age 20 I had my first visit to a random Gynecologist, for a yeast infection. When mentioning my fears of abnormal anatomy, I was assured that it was only an intact hymen and that it would stretch or tear when I had sex for the first time. So then I went to nursing school where I actually learned about reproductive anatomy and sex FOR THE FIRST TIME haha, talk about feeling like a young naive, uninformed child. So finally (recently) at age 25 I tried to have intercourse for the first time, and after multiple times of trying, much lubrication, position changes, and pain, full penetration was still not possible. I felt humiliated, defeated, deformed, and like less of a woman. I finally decided to give a gynecologist another try. She listened to me, did an exam, and told me that I had a vaginal septum and that I would need to have it removed. She said she would be the one doing the surgery, that it was a common problem and a simple fix. I have never felt so validated in my life. I cried tears of relief on the way home. I'm scheduling the surgery soon, probably for May or June. I'll let you know how it goes! Don't give up! It's frustrating and uncomfortable to have to deal with/talk about these things....but I've realized the more you have to push through frustrating uncomfortable things, you come out on the other side a stronger woman who can help other people. :)
March 20, 2016 at 8:26 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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